ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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