Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
