nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
