Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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