You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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