YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
