I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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