The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
