If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
