i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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