I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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