I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
