He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
