She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
