i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
