Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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