Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
