they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
