did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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