I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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