I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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