Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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