he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
