There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have feelings that need drinking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
