I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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