now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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