So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
