o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
