I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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