the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
