I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
