Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
