I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
