I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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