maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
