1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
