she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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