Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize