He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dick has a subreddit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
