forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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