I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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