porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
