batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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