My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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