She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
