Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
