If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
