just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
