when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
