dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
