In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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