My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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