I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize