I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
