He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
