He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
