no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
