Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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