If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
