is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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