Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
