On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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