we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
