Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
