Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
